Discussion Questions

1. How naturally empathetic of a person are you? Discuss examples of how you can grow in the four areas universal to empathy that Brene mentioned: perspective taking, staying out of judgement, recognizing emotion in other people, and communicating that recognition. Have you ever had someone rebuttal your difficulty with an “At least” statement or an attempt to “silver lining” your experience? How did it make you feel? Why do you think we have a tendency to do that? What are some circumstances that sportspeople on the college campus might face that you could be tempted to “silver lining”? How can you intentionally avoid that temptation and choose an empathetic response?

2. “It’s a huge misconception that more talking equals better communication”. So let’s move from abstract to concrete. What does it feel like to be in a conversation with you? What facial expression do you typically wear in a conversation? Do you get caught up in details or can you hear the big picture idea/emotion? How do you successfully employ that skill? Do you have tendencies to rebuttal or make conversations about you or your topic (hint: ask an honest friend or spouse)? How can you grow in that area? On a scale of 1-10, how would you score yourself at being concise when you speak and then tossing it back to the other person? Have you ever had someone followup on something you said? How did it make you feel? To truly know the answers to these questions, you may need to ask for some honest feedback. If you know that you tend to dominate conversations or need to grow in this area, then please watch the two videos posted in “overtime” below. They will help you grow in this area.

3. Once we have gained confidence and competence in being a a caring and effective listener, let’s consider how to ask good questions of others. What are some fact, passion, and heart level questions that could be your “go-to” questions for athletes? For coaches?

4. How you carry yourself matters. What is "professionalism" within a college athletic department?  In what areas do you have room to grow?  How would you judge your ability to tell good stories?  How would you judge your ability to be concise and “bottomline” it? Why do you suppose this is so?  In what circumstances might BLUF be a necessary skill? Why do you suppose this is valuable to sportspeople, particularly coaches?

Replay

We are in a vocation that requires empathy. To listen with empathy is to hear the other person’s perspective without judgement. We must be able to recognize emotion in other people and communicate it back to them. We tend to try and make things better. But what the person really needs is connection, someone to listen.

So how can we become better listeners?

• Feedback - non verbal feedback “showing” them you are fully there. Listen with your face. Give them verbal feedback too

• Listen for Big Picture - the big picture idea or the big picture emotion

• Stay on them - as a person and their topic

• Be concise - if you take a talking turn, limit what you say then ask another question

• Take action - followup somehow

We may have to prompt others through good question asking in order to deepen relationships and listen with empathy. Good questions can be asked on three different levels:

1. Facts - What are some basic things about them?

2. Passions - What do they care about? What is important to them?

3. Heart - What is at the core of who they are?